We are going to be continuing our series from the book of Proverbs and looking at wisdom for living. And so over the course of the next term we are going to be unpacking a number of different topics with you. And this morning I want to dive straight into the word because I’m going to be speaking around the topic of friendship this morning. Friendship. Proverbs has a lot to say about friendship.
Because who knows that it is important that we have fruitful and prospering friendships in our life. Amen. Who knows that we a God that designed us for relationship. Even looking back at the book of Genesis when he created man, he saw that it wasn’t good that man was alone. And so he created a helper.
We are designed for relationships. We are designed for community. And when God birthed the church there was this idea of the fellowship. The gathering of the saints together. And I believe that as we have thriving and healthy friendships.
We a thriving and healthy church. Amen. And so it’s important we understand the value of having healthy friendships. And so the title of my message this morning is very simple. It’s six keys to healthy friendships.
And I’ve used the word friend as an acronym this morning. Basically because I think it’s cool when people do that. So that’s where we’re going this morning. So we’re going to dive straight in. In Proverbs seventeen verse nine it says this.
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven but dwelling on it separates close friends And so the first key to healthy friendship this morning is forgiveness. It’s forgiveness. I wanted to start here because forgiveness is one of the foundations of a healthy friendship. Forgiveness determines whether a friendship is going to continue or whether it doesn’t. And quite often when we are faced when we’re dealing with people we know people aren’t perfect.
When we start getting close to people we know people aren’t perfect. And sometimes we can find ourselves in situations circumstances where maybe we’ve been let down. Maybe we’ve had broken trusts. Maybe we’ve had unmet expectations. And we find ourselves sometimes feeling hurt and offended.
And what happens when we dwell on these things is we start to build a wall around our heart. Which makes it hard for others to be let in. And I want to remind us this morning church. That we weren’t created to live a life of isolation within the walls of our pain but we are created for community and relationship. And so it’s important we understand that forgiveness is one of the keys we need for healthy friendships.
And here’s the good news. The Holy Spirit is able to minister to our hearts. Even in those places where we feel so broken. Because he wants to see us free. We need to understand the power of forgiveness in our friendships.
Proverbs 25 verse twenty-one. If your enemy is hungry give him bread to eat if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. You know, a number of years ago, I have a family friend who’s still part of my life but we went through a bit of a rough season and we went through the same sort of stage of life where we were both, you know, getting boyfriends who are both now our husbands and we were getting engaged at the same time and getting married around the same time, having kids around the same time and so we would always find ourselves kind of within the same social situations and so I spent a lot of time with her and you know, I sort of started noticing after a little while that there was kind of this like unsaid awkward tension that was kind of starting to build between us. And you know nothing was said or done but it was just getting a bit awkward and sometimes females can be really strange characters okay. So anyway I I sort of started noticing something was a bit off and I thought to myself you know what? I’m the sort of person I like to kind of you know air everything out.
And so I thought to myself you know what? I’m going to go and have a conversation with her and you know confront the problem. And so gave her a call and I said, hey, are you free? I’m going to pop over. Let’s have a coffee and a chat. So, I went to her house and I went in, you know, totally with the right intention to have some sort of resolve. Uh and so, I sat there and basically listened to her tell me all of these things that I had done that had upset her and unbeknownst to me and you know, that sometimes what does happen and so she walked away from that conversation feeling really really good.
You know, she’s released. She’s like, awesome. Thank you so much for coming see me Ash. And I didn’t walk away feeling like that. So it’s it’s actually amazing how quickly a wall of offence can come up.
Because from the drive home which was about five minutes I had got in my car and I had not only built a wall but the great wall of China around my heart. And in that five minute drive I was you know driving past and thinking of all this sassy comebacks I should have said. You do that. You leave a conversation like I should have said that. And that’s what I was doing.
And I allowed the seed of offence to take root in a matter of 5 minutes. And so it left me. It totally eroded everything away from me. It stole my joy. It stole my peace.
And I held onto this thing because I felt justified in my offence. And ah it’s it started to rob from me. And I I looked like that person that had sucked on lemons. You know that one? We can all tell who they are. But our God is the great restorer.
And so it’s important that we remember that we have a God who is able to restore even the hardest things. And so what happened was I was driving past house again. This was quite a few months on and I was eating you know sucking on my lemons. And the lord said to me, he said, Ash, we’re going to build a bridge. We’re going to build a bridge and we’re going to get over it.
And I thought great. I’m going to wake up tomorrow and he’s going to deliver me from this offence and I’m just going to feel fine. And that’s not what happened. But what did happen was he said to me every time you think of her or the situation when that awful feeling comes up I want you to respond with a random act of kindness And you know when it’s God when you know it’s not you. And so that’s what I did.
And so every time she would come up and I’d think about it I’d I’d do a random act of kindness. And it it started off as you know a text message but with no emojis. Okay just full stop. So we’re not doing emojis. And I did that for a while and then the emojis started to come.
It’s a little kissy faces and the love hearts. Janet loves the purple loves hearts. And anyway so after a while I started noticing it came up again. And I thought to myself one day I thought oh this thing’s not there anymore. And God had dealt with my offence.
You see I was killing her with kindness but he was killing in me the root that it caused. It’s important we understand the power of forgiveness in our relationships. The second thing is this. We need to build friendships that remain in every season. Remain in every season.
One of the keys. In Proverbs eleven verse thirty. The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life. Now my husband Nathan is a gardener and I am not. Okay? Glenn O’Brien’s a gardener.
He’s got a a whole YouTube channel. You should follow him. We love Glen. You know you come to my house and it’s filled with fake plants. So where are my fake plant people? Where are you? Yes.
You’re my people. I see that hand. But I do know about gardening is this. When you plant a seed in the ground to see it reach its full potential and maturity it needs the right kind of conditions to grow. It needs water.
Covering and protection from weather conditions. It needs light and shade and nutrients in the soil. And when all of these conditions are available the tree can grow healthy and strong with roots that go deep. The tree flourishes and brings fruit. You know everything can look good on the surface of a tree.
But you can really tell the health of it when you pull up the root system. You can see whether the foundation of what that’s been planted on is actually or not. You can tell by the root system. And in the same way with our friendships when a seed of friendship is sown, it needs the right kind of conditions to reach its full potential in God. And the good news is, is that we have everything we need for healthy and thriving friendships through the power of the Holy Spirit.
You know, my Bible says in John seven, that out of our hearts will flow rivers of living water. When people spend time with us, we want to be the kind of friend that leave people feeling refreshed. Rivers living water. We have the word of God which is life to our bones. We can cover each other with prayer and protection.
We need to sow seeds of hope with our words. We need to grow strong and mature trees of friendship in our lives because when the storms of life come, I have strong and mature trees around me that I can go back and taste of the fruit in every season and it is good for my soul. We need to build friendships like this. In Psalm one verse three, it says, he who is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, and whose leaf does not wither, Whatever he does, prospers. Let’s build friendships that remain in every season and let’s build strong and healthy trees in the right kind of conditions.
Amen. The next thing is this, the next key to healthy friendship is it starts with an invitation. Proverbs nine verse one to five. Wisdom has built her house. She has turned her seven pillars.
She has slaughtered her beasts and has mixed her wine. I love this part. And she has also set the table. That just sounds like a woman getting ready for Sunday lunch doesn’t it? She has also set her table. I want to speak to you for a moment about our table setting.
We heard from Ben this morning and I love it when God does this. We need to look at what we’re setting our table with. And who we’re inviting. You know something Nathan and I love to do is we love to have people in our home. And a number of years ago we ran a young adults connect group.
That’s where we first really connected with Ricky and Evan back there. And ah the highlight of my Tuesday was wondering whether I’m going to beat Scott Blakemore and Rummy Cup this week or whether I’m not. And I can honestly say hand on heart that after three years I think we bet him twice. But it was sweet. And you know and we love the friendly banter.
We love you know the fun and the silliness and everything that happens within our home. There’s something powerful about the connections that we build in our house. When we invite people to our table. You see our table it’s set differently to the things of this world. Our table is with the fruits of the spirit.
Love, joy, peace, patience, except when playing Rummy Cub, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. A place for people to taste and see that the Lord is good. You know, one thing that I love about our church is that we have connect groups. And I just want to say this, connect groups isn’t something that we just tag onto the end of our of our Sunday services. Connect groups are intentional.
Connect groups are place to attend, to feel intentional connection. It’s a safe place to enjoy company and a place to feel safe and known and I love hearing the testimonies that come out of these connect groups. You can speak to any of our leaders. But that is a place where we can come within within a home and feel connected in. And so I encourage you if you aren’t in one I would love to connect you into the life of our incredible church.
Because it’s a place where we can grow. It’s a place where we can have community, healthy community. You know, Jesus himself understood the value of deep connection with friends. What was he doing on the night before he went to the cross? We know it as the last supper. He was sharing a meal around the table of 12 of his closest friends.
Sharing a meal. He understands the power of these connections. You know, in a society that is so fast paced and everything is technology driven. We need to take hold of these principles and apply them to have healthy friendships. We need eyes to see each other.
Hearts that are moved with compassion and homes that are open. We need to set the table church. Because here’s the thing. People are looking for something out there that the world can’t offer them. And when they come into the Lord’s house and he sets the table.
Everyone gets a seat. Everyone is welcome into the Lord’s house. But it starts with an invitation. When the lost and lonely come into the house of God. We are seen and we are known.
Everyone is invited for a seat in the father’s house. And so my question is who are you inviting for dinner? We have the answer. The next thing is this. Healthy friendships are built on encouragement. I really wanted to highlight the way we speak in this point this morning.
In Proverbs 2two verse eleven it says he who loves purity of heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king as his friend. Our words are creative. They have the power to build up or tear down. In Proverbs 1821 it says death and life are in the power of the tongue. We need to be the kind of friend that speaks life.
Amen. Need to be those people. We need to surround ourselves with people who are going to bring out the best version of you. Friends who are going to remind us, remind us of who we are when we lose sight. Reveal truth when we start believing lies.
Pray for us when we need covering and sow seeds of hope. You know, there’s this famous quote and it you’ll know it. It says, everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will leave its whole believing that it’s stupid. I want to propose an argument that this fish was being judged by its ability to do something it wasn’t created for. It was listening to the wrong kinds of voices.
We need to surround ourself with people who are encouraging us to do the right things. They’re the people we need in our life. Proverbs 12: 26. The righteous choose their friends carefully. But the way of the wicked leads them astray.
And the reality is that sometimes we can find ourself. Sometimes it’s not our own doing but in friendship circles that actually aren’t built on these principles. We can find ourselves that sometimes we’re you know a part of tearing people down or gossip and slander. And in Proverbs twenty verse nineteen it it gives us a warning. It said whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets.
Therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. People that just like to talk. You know those ones? But as Christians, we are called to shift atmospheres. We are not called to conform to the pattern of this world. We are called to bring the fragrance of Christ.
A number of years ago when I had babies, and I’ve got three boys and I was going to a mother’s group and it wasn’t part of this church. It’s all good. Uh and I was going along and the the nature of this group was honestly quite toxic and there would be a lot of just you know talking about people and whinging all the time and anyway after going for a little while so I I left going I really don’t feel good about going and so I decided that I wasn’t going to attend anymore. And after a few weeks the lady that was running the group she called me and she said hey Ash like haven’t seen you in a little while and and we had a conversation. And I knew that I if I had crossed the line that day because I I decided to tell her what my issue was with with the group like I do.
And I I I knew that I was going to cross the line because if if I was about to tell her what I really thought I was probably not ever going to be welcomed back to that group again but also probably lose some friendships in the in that process. But I chose to cross the line that day because I chose the fear of God over the fear of man. And I made the decision that doing what was right far outweighed my desire to be liked. Or accepted by people who were doing the wrong thing. And Sometimes we’re faced where we need to be those people that cross that line.
Because we need to reveal the kingdom of God. And gossip and slander and friendships that are built on that foundation are not good for us. And we need to be a part of people in Proverbs 16 twenty-four. It says these kind words are like honey. Sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
Let’s be those people. Let’s surround ourselves with those people. Let’s be them and let’s surround ourselves with them. Let’s build friendships on encouragement. The next thing is this, the letter N, are you following my my word? I’m I’m spelling friends.
Is everyone following? We’ll get there. I feel so clever. Um the letter N. Not afraid to bring correction. Proverbs 27 verse nine.
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of a friend springs from heartfelt advice. Correct is an opportunity to grow. You know Pastor Ben touched on this a couple of weeks ago. Wisdom is humility and teachability. And friendship is a gift.
Where we get to remove the masks and we get to be our unfiltered self and show people who we really are. And with that also comes find spots that we don’t see. And it’s important we have friends and people in our life that we allow close enough to bring correction and things to our attention when we need it. It’s important that we Have those people. Do we like hearing it? No.
Do we need to hear it? Probably yeah. In Proverbs nineteen verse twenty, listen to advice and accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future. A number of months ago, I went shopping with my friend who happens to be sitting in the front row and I’m not naming names but we went into Country Road and I don’t even know if she remembers this story but I forgive you. It’s fine. Uh we went into Country Road and I was trying on a top and you know, I’m I don’t know what guys do but girls have this code where you know, when you try something on, you always want to know, you take that friend who’ll tell you what they really think, okay? And so, I tried on top and I’m feeling quite good.
I’m thinking this is really working for me. It wasn’t this one. Uh but I’m thinking this is really working. And I sort of you know parade myself out of the ah change room and I’m like so what do you think? And she looked at me and she said I think it makes you look a bit big. I think it makes you look two sizes bigger than what you are.
And in that moment I didn’t know whether I wanted to be her friend anymore. Um or whether I was you know thankful for her advice. But what I can tell you is that I didn’t walk out of the store with that top that day. Because even though I thought it looked good it didn’t. And we need people in our lives who will say hey Ash.
You know how you responded to that? That probably wasn’t the best way to do it. Maybe try this. So hey Ash you know how you know you said this thing about that person? That’s probably not what you should be doing. We need people close enough to bring us accountability and correction. Because it helps us grow In Proverbs 27 verse seventeen it talks about iron sharpens iron.
I love this. As iron sharpens iron so a friend sharpens a friend. You know, there’s this mutual benefit. When I was researching iron sharpens iron, there’s this mutual thing that happens. Where when both pieces of iron are, you know, hitting against each other with friction, it creates a heat.
And there’s not one that’s left blunt. They actually sharpen at exactly the same time exactly the same rate because they’re working in the same direction. And I don’t know about you but I want to be sharp for God. I want people in my world who are going to sharpen me. I want to be that person who sharpens others.
And so we need those iron sharpens iron kinds of friends. I want to be able to cut away things in my life that God doesn’t want there. I want to be able to separate spirit and flesh. Hear the voice of the Holy Spirit when he prompts me. And pi through the hearts of people to reveal Jesus.
We need to be sharp. And we need to have those iron sharpened iron kinds of people. We need to be them and we need to surround ourselves with them. Amen. In one Thessalonians friends friends encourage us to our highest good.
Let’s build friendships that call us to the highest good. Who aren’t afraid to bring correction and who sharpen us for the things of God. Amen. Are you with me church? I’m going to move the worship team up The last point is this, we’re ending with D because friend ends with D. Direct us to Jesus.
Healthy friendships direct us to Jesus. In Proverbs 18, verse twenty-four, a man of many companions may come to ruin. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Friendship with us should lead people closer to Christ. We everything we need to have friendships that are fruitful and healthy.
We have the fragrance of Christ and the power of his spirit living within us. We have everything that we need. We need people in our world to know that Jesus is the answer. And our mission is to reveal Jesus to a lost and a broken world. And lead them to the house of God into the arms of a loving saviour.
People are looking for something that this world can’t offer. And through us we have the answer and his name is Jesus. You know, when Pastor Ben launched this this series, and we were talking about topics that we could do. Friendship stood out to me. And as I was preparing this message for you today, the Lord reminded me of my salvation story.
I gotta get through this without crying, okay? I I wasn’t brought up in a Christian home. Uh my my home life was very dysfunctional and there was a lot of different kinds of abuse and lots of different things that were happening. And I was a 16 year old girl who’d thrown her thrown herself into you know striving and wanting to be the best. I was a national netballer. I was the head prefect.
I was I got A’s and A pluses in all of my work and I was I was throwing myself into something that wasn’t filling the void in my life that I had. And the age of 16 I I also was throwing myself into alcohol and drugs and everything that went along with that too. And I remember you know waking up after a a party the next morning coming in and out of consciousness and I had no recollection of what had happened the night before. And I looked up to the sky. This sounds so cliche but this is my story.
I looked up to the sky. And I said to God God if you’re real I want to know you and I want to give my life to you. Because I knew that the life that I was living it didn’t fit me. I knew that there was something more to my life but I didn’t know how to find it. I didn’t know what to do.
I had noone showing me. I didn’t own a Bible. But God found me on that back lawn that night. That day. And so one month later there was a that started at my school and there were two brothers and then they knew one of the girls in my grade and they also knew another boy.
So there’s four of them. And I just I was watching. And I was just observing. Because there was something about them that just hit different. And I didn’t know what it was until one day.
One of them said to me hey Ash. Do you want to come to youth on Friday night? And something in me just said yes. I do. And I didn’t know what I was getting myself in for. But I wanted to go because there was something that was drawing me in.
And so I went along. And I stepped into the house of God for the first time as a 16-year-old broken girl. And in that moment, everything made sense because I had come home. I’d come home to the house of God. That had a table that was set for me.
At the father’s table. You know, I wanted to land my message here because my salvation story was found through friendship. It was because someone offered me an invitation to be my friend and to invite me into the house of God. They loved me that much that they would introduce me to who they knew as God. And so I found myself in the house of God 20 years on.
And I haven’t looked back. We need to be these people to a lost and a dying world.
